Graduation reds

Most of the time, it's easy for me to escape. Simple things- strumming on my guitar strings, baking cookies, watching the ocean as it rolls- take me somewhere else. Nothing can touch me and I'm enveloped by an incredible peace.

The past couple days, however, those simple things can't seem to take my mind away from reality. I'm faced with my college graduation in a week and a half. Exciting right? Well, yes and no. No argument from me that it's going to be wonderful not waking up at 6:30 a.m. for class or spending hours reading pointless textbooks. On the other hand, "WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO NOW?!?!" is a question that follows me everywhere, every day.

It's not really an issue of finding a job; I have a great part-time gig that will do for now. The issue is a core decision: what path should I be on? How deep do I let myself get in a career that I don't want? How hard should I fight to make the path that's close to my heart work?

You know those days when you get the mean reds?

The mean reds? You mean like the blues?

No, the blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

-Breakfast at Tiffany's

I'll leave it to you to decipher the color of the day...