The American dream is built upon hard work and self-reliance. I was raised to be a strong and independent woman. I am grateful that I was taught how to stand on my own two feet, but in my independence I have learned to keep others at arm's length. Because being authentic and real is scary. It's risky. But living as though I have it all together all the time isn't the answer. It's a major obstacle to connection: with others, with God.
Unlearning self-sufficiency has been a hard lesson to swallow. Accepting that I can't do anything, no matter how much I put my mind to it, is hard. To know that no matter how hard I try, how much I strive to achieve perfection, it's impossible. I am a fallible, broken human. And the crazy thing is, that I am loved and accepted with all of my inadequacies. My flaws. My scars. I don't need to strive for that perfect image. In fact, hiding my inadequacies is probably the worst thing I could do.
It's funny actually, that I could sing "Jesus loves me, this I know" for years and years of my childhood, truly believing it, yet 20 years later I am flabbergasted at this basic truth: Jesus loves me. Me. Not the person I try to be or strive to be, but me. Just the way I am.
Sometimes going back to the basics is hard work. Taking down my walls that I've built over the years- walls meant to keep people at a distance, in case they might run away when they see me vulnerable and weak. Ignoring the lies that tell me I'm never good enough.
It's a daily struggle for me to come to God and say:
"I can't- without You."To live in my weakness so that moment by moment I might experience His power, His love- the kind that doesn't love someone because they're beautiful, but loves them in such a way that makes them beautiful [Rob Bell, "Sex God"].
The color of the day is Dandelion yellow. Some might call a dandelion a weed, others call it ugly. But a dandelion is delicate and vulnerable. And it is also beautiful.
If you have time, listen to this sermon podcast. It's number 8 on the list: "The Beauty of Weakness" by Pastor Matt Moore.
